Edgy Mama: Biscuitgate offers buttery hot lessons for teaching kids how to communicate online

Jason Sandford

Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.

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By Anne Fitten Glenn

Biscuitgate reminded me, once again, of a couple of things: all publicity is good publicity, and, nice people can be real assholes online. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go read this thread and marvel at the palpable anger and rampant meanness. It’s also funny as hell in places.

When I read the Biscuitgate thread, it occurred to me that I could use it to serve up some buttery hot lessons to my kids, who now spend lots of time communicating in the on-line world.

First lesson: every person who works in marketing and public relations (including me) would pull out a toenail with a pair of pliers to ignite this level of passionate debate about a product. That said, we know better (or we should know better) than to be flamers ourselves, especially in the well-policed online communities such as /reddit, where overt marketing will get your butt banned and your product publicly shamed. That’s important to remember, kids. In these days of selfies and sneaky product promotion, think about what you’re reading and what may have motivated it being put on the Internets.

It also occurs to me that if people were as passionate about their significant others and families as they are about margarine blends, the world would be a different place. We’d all lose some productivity to sexy time, but the trade-off would be a happier, more relaxed populace. So lesson number two – be passionate, but pick your battles. Focus on loving your people, not on whether or not there’s a margarine blend in your damn biscuit. I think there’s a dirty metaphor in there somewhere, but you get the point.

Lesson the third is that, while I don’t know most of the people interacting rudely with each other on this thread, I recognize a trend I see again and again—people being super assholes to each other online. We all know that being in proximity, being face-to-face, with actual human humans, changes how we act and react to them. It’s a brave new world in that, less than a decade ago, most of us were not talking to others via screens (and certainly not via screens that we carried in our pockets ALL the effing time). I’m not sure we’ve figured out how to do it well yet. Or how to teach our children to do so.

I’ve told my kids to remember one simple thing—think before you type.

That goes a long way toward less online assholery and miscommunication. It’s easy to be an asshole, to yell in all caps, to react without thinking, to name call, to condescend, to bully. It can be difficult to be restrained.

I know. I’ve had all of the above done to me over the years in reaction to my columns, and I’ve reacted when I shouldn’t have. I now have the hide of a gator, but I certainly did not before I chose to put my thoughts out there as a writer, and I definitely did not when I was 13 years old. And, of course, even gator skins can be pierced at the right angle. I’ve told my kids that there will always be unjust slander, and in most cases, responding with anger, no matter how righteous, just escalates an already bad situation. Plus, I’m not sure anyone ever really listens to anything they don’t want to hear. Sadly.

So thank you, Biscuitgaters, for the online lessons of the week. May all your biscuits be buttered with flowers and fairy dust.

AFG has written about parenting for many years, during which time, she has, yes, been an asshole online now and again. But she’s matured over time, as the new silver streaks in her hair prove. She now strives to bring peace to her interactions in both the off and online worlds. You can support her cause by buying and reading her book, “Asheville Beer: An Intoxicating History of Asheville Brewing” and drinking Oskar Blues Brewery beer (which she markets unflamingly).