Jason Sandford
Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.
NEW ORLEANS (AP) – In a dramatic new development, all the major cable news networks have gone wall-to-wall with reports that among all the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina, a young, good-looking white woman has gone missing.
Sloane Katherine Beaudreaux III was reported missing the day Katrina crashed ashore. The major cable networks, only now picking up the pieces of the disaster, started around-the-clock coverage today after CNN’s Anderson Cooper, tired of whining about dead bodies, broke the story.
Beaudreaux, an all-American beauty who never did a bad thing in her life and whose shit don’t stink, failed to show up at the New Orleans City Club with the rest of her college sorority sisters.
“We just don’t know, we’re worried sick,” Mary Beth Caraville said as she huddled with friends inside the City Club’s posh surroundings, mostly undamaged by the storm. “Maybe she went back to get her Louis Vuitton bag.”
Beaudreaux is the latest in a string of young, winsome, missing white women that the cable news shows have become enamored with, to the point of some criticism recently. But Cooper defended his decision to focus his reports solely on Beaudreaux and ignore the plight of the poor African-Americans of New Orleans.
“Look, Wolf said it himself. Most of these people are ‘so poor, so black,'” an irate Cooper said. “We saw a ratings dip and figured it was time to start paying attention to stories we know will connect to viewers. I’m just reporting the story, dammit. Those rats eating that dead body over there could be eating Sloane’s new designer Jimmy Choos, for god’s sake!”
(Written with a nod to the good folks over at the Disclaimer. You guys almost got the story right.)
Anderson Cooper, whatever his name is…
you’re bad, ash. very, very bad. but you can sure hit the nail on the head! i truly hope all that putrid water doesn’t discolor her pearls when they find her.
Sloane Beaudreaux? Pleeeaassseee. So sad that this could be true. BTW, is Cooper Anderson gay?