Dear Ask A Woman,
For like a year now, I’ve been having a flirtation with a waitress who works at a restaurant that I go to a few times a month. She’s always been really nice and flirty toward me and recently it seemed to really amp up. She’s super cute, so I decided to go for it and asked her out, but she said no, claiming she had a boyfriend. I’m confused as to why we have been flirting with each other for so long if she wasn’t available and wasn’t interested. Why do women do this?
Sincerely, You Women Confuse The F*^% Out Of Me
This is a public service announcement: women who work in the service industry rely on tips to make a living. Most often, they are not flirting with you, they are just being nice and doing their job.
When they laugh at your bad jokes, it’s not because they want your body, it’s because it’s the nice thing to do and they’d like to continue eating regularly and paying rent. When they chuckle at your sexist, inappropriate comments, they’re not cool chicks who love crass humor, they’re trying to neutralize things and protect themselves from a potentially harmful or awkward situation. When they run down the street after you to return the book you left on the table, they’re not trying to orchestrate a “meet cute,” they’re just doing their job.
Has a waitress ever found a customer charming or attractive and flirted with them? Sure! Was this particular woman flirting with you? Possibly. But, you asked her out and she said no, so I’m guessing she was just doing her job.
Being a woman sucks. If we’re nice to you, you assume we’re flirting, and if we don’t pay attention to you, we’re cold hearted, man-hating, frigid bitches who are going to die alone. It’s a delicate balancing act.
Now, you didn’t give me much information about this particular situation so I’m doing a lot of assuming here. There are a billion grey areas that could apply instead. Maybe you did misinterpret her flirtation. Or perhaps she was interested in you but recently got a boyfriend and so the timing was wrong. I could literally go on and on, but what’s the point? She said no, so it’s time to move on.
As I’ve said before: we’re all gonna die, so let’s spend our short lives with people who wanna be with us, not over analyzing why certain people don’t.
I’m 16 (almost 17) and I work with a woman in her 20s who I think likes me. Should I ask her out?
No. That’s illegal. No, no, no, no, no. Just, no. I like your nickname though.
Ask A Woman is an anonymous advice column wherein this Asheville writer gives candid, honest advice about everything from consent to dating to harassment and whatever else you people cook up. I’m providing a platform of anonymity, not so either of us can hide behind invisibility, but to eliminate egos and insecurities and cut out the bullshit in an effort to perpetuate education. If you would like to ask me a question for my column, drop me a line here. -Eve S. Dropper