WLOS starts the week right

Jason Sandford

Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.

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‘Mooo’-ving story
Jay Seltzerwater got the quote of the day out of a convenience story clerk as he entertained us with a story about someone sticking a freshly severed cow’s head on an electrical box at the busy intersection of Sweeten Creek and Mills Gap.

Hundreds of motorists saw the raw head. Mommies taking their children to school saw it. Businessmen driving to work. And a couple of convenience store workers, the only witnesses that Jay quoted. Jay wanted to know who would do such a thing.

“Devil worshippers,” said the redneck counter girl doling out packs of Marlboro Lights to customers. “Cause, you know, they like to kill animals and stuff for whatever.”

Luckily, Jay came back to assure us that it was likely the work of pranksters. Wow. Thanks, Jay, for the refreshing honesty. It stands in stark contrast to recent over-hyped reports about evil Mexican gangs tagging buildings in Hooterville and scary vandals scrawling “Satan rules” on church doors.

Babes to watch
Seems like everyone’s sick of Jaime-what’s-her-name of Art and Decor rug commercial fame. Even local newspaper columnist John Boyle jumped on the hater-wagon with his recent rant.

But that’s OK. There are a couple of new contenders for commercial babes to watch. First, there’s the Paramount Kia of Ashvegas honey with sweet girl-next-door looks sporting a velvety track suit and urging us to come by for a visit.

Then, for those of you who like a little older femme fatale, there’s the Rooms for Less mommie, who’s literally oozing sexuality as she strokes a recliner and coos at us. Nice!

A little Merrimon rezoning, the old-fashioned way
The developer who was supposed to be reworking the old Citizens Hardware store apparently said the hell with that and did a little rezoning the old-fashioned way – he blew up the building and is starting over from the ground up.

OK, he tore the building down. Same effect. Only that’s not what he told the city he was going to do. Candy Little told us that city planners issued a “stop work” order after learning that the developer only had paperwork to renovate, not demolish. Well, it’s a little late now, isnt’ it?

We predict that the real fight has yet to begin. All those high-minded liberals along Merrimon are going to jump on this like there’s no tomorrow. The development rules as they stand now will require any new building to be much closer to Merrimon, with parking to the side or rear, ala Staples.

Watch this one blow up into a knock-down, drag-out.

Sweeps again, but still no snow
Once again it’s sweeps, and once again, weather-guesser Mike Cuervo and company turned up the snow sirens full blast. Friday and over the weekend, WLOSers were predicting all kinds of snow, blaring their heavy snow advisories and snow event warnings and shit.

Turns out that some people got a few flurries. WLOSers had to send crews all the way up to the mountains of Yancey County to get some snow shots so Cuervo could feel good about his bad forecasting.

Larry does a story justice
Larry ‘Old Glory’ Bunt delivered the first installment of his special sweeps package “Justice for One” Monday night, and it was pretty good. Larry, doing his best impression of Mike Wallace, stuck a pencil in his fist and hunkered down to ask some tough questions of two local judges who haven’t done much in the case of a woman who was trying to get her son back after DSS took him out of her home five years ago.

Larry told us that allegations against the woman – who now protests outside the county courthouse with some cardboard signs – had been proven false. Yet the judges refused to take action to restore her son to her. Now he’s with his father in South Kackalacki, a father who has since tested positive for cocaine use.

Larry doesn’t get any good answers from anyone, and promises a second installment. Hey Lar, when are we gonna get “Glory Holes: Electric Boogalooo II”?