Tuesday’s news

Jason Sandford

Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.

1

New WLOSer
Hey y’all, let’s welcome a new WLOSer, Carolyn Ryan. With no introduction that we saw, Carolyn brought us a report from Madison County. We’ve tried to check her out, but have come up dry so far in terms of her background and such. Anybody know Carolyn’s background? She’s blonde and she sort of sounds like Holly Headache, but with a little lighter delivery. We’ll give her a chance to earn her own nickname. In the meantime, we’ll look forward to watching.

School prank
Madison County school officials arrived at Madison High on Monday to find seven roosters, five possums and two raccoons running loose in the school. And that’s different from a normal day how, you ask? (Hey Bulldog, we may not want to pass that torch just yet.)

School officials say somebody spread about 50 pounds of dog food across hallway floors, then let the animals loose. The animals did what animals do. They ate and ate. And they poo-pooed. It was quite a mess to clean up.

Police arrested eight students because the pranksters forgot one vital fact – the school has survellience cameras and the cameras caught everything.

The school principal blames a time-honored tradition – the senior prank. Wonder what other high schoolers have planned. A few years ago, some Ashvegas High kids got in trouble for running some panties up the flag pole and flying them high. Anybody got any good high school prank stories?

Weverville development
Residents in Weaverville are still upset about a plan to build a big shopping center at the intersection of 19/23 and U.S. 25/70. It’s to be called Northridge Commons Shopping center. The residents turned up at a Weaverville board of adjustment meeting. Nothing much changed, from we could tell from Cherub Charu’s report.

‘Brokeback Mountain’ controversy
Jon “Punnyman” Le, doing more regular reporting and less of his pun reports, had a story about “Brokeback Mountain” coming out on DVD and checking into reports that some stores may not be renting it.

Le apparently has been reading the Ashvegas blog, because we mentioned this exact story last week after we saw it in UNCA’s student newspaper. The Blue Banner reported that Ingles was telling its in-house video shops not to put up Brokeback posters and it reminded clerks of its policy to card anyone renting an R-rated movie.

Well, Le talked to the UNCA kid who wrote the news article. It turns out he works at Ingles and that how he got the Ingles e-mail telling clerks what to do. Le talked to other video shop owners, who said various things of inconsequence, and that was about it.

Body found
Police found the freshly dumped body of a man who had been shot “execution-style,” according to Diva Darcel, who kept repeatiing that phrase, off of Onteora Road in the Oakley community.

WLOSers, with Michelle Boudin reporting, also emphasized that the body was found just feet away from the Blue Ridge Parkway, as if that made the death sexier. The FBI would have gotten involved if the body was found on federal land, but a homicide is still a homicide. Police hadn’t released the name of the victim by Tuesday night.

The Neuticle Report
Russ “Beefcake” Bowen was back on the neuticle report Tuesday, doing a rather excessive report about Master Rick (Richard Sciara) and his two buddies who have been arrested for performing castrations without malice (or a medical license).

Bowen talked to a local urologist who told us that gasp if someone without the proper medical training cuts your balls off, you could die. No shit. Bowen carried on like a real trooper, nodding appropriately as the urologist gave us all the gory details.

You need lots of antibiotics if you perform a surgery like this because in that area, there is good chance of infection. Infection could lead to gangrene, “and that can kill you,” the doctor said seriously.

Russ and the urologist also looked studiously at one of those medical posters these guys have in their offices, the ones that show a human body and all the innards. So there on the wall, right at eye level, was the outline of a man’s body and Russ and the doc pointed at the rectum and the scrotum and the testes and the urethra. And the doc talked about the intricacies of removing a penis and all. And Russ nodded some more.