Jason Sandford
Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.
Let’s get one thing clear – I’m all for collecting toys for needy children. No question. I help where I can. What I’m not for is a useless publicity stunt that seems more designed to benefit the agencies doing the collecting rather than the kids themselves.
This weekend’s annual KISS-FM drive for Toys for Tots stands as my case in point.
Each year, a giant crane sets up in the parking lot of the Ingles at the corner of Patton Avenue and Leicester Highway. The crane hoists some fat-assed DJ from KISS Country, Chuck “I’ve got a fake Southern accent” Marsh, up into the air about 50 feet. O, the crane also lifts a van up with the fat DJ.
All kinds of safety wires hang from the platform, as do several big, purple banners emblazoned with the KISS Country logo. In another corner of the parking lot, a giant inflatable grocery bag sways in the wind, the Ingles logo easily seen from afar.
At least three other vans and two campers set up shop down below the platform. There’s a truck trailer, waiting to be filled with donated toys. Banks of over-bright lights shine at night. There are portable toilets and despite the fact that the fat DJ is just 50 feet up and works for a radio station, everybody runs around with donated walkie-talkies to communicate.
You’d think the fat DJ had made a 2,000-mile expedition to the Arctic the way it’s all described on the radio. The DJ’s buddies talk to him like he’s facing below-zero temperatures in some brutal landscape, even though he’s just 50 feet away.
I mean really, what kind of stunt is this? What’s the point? If you really want to get my attention, do something daring. Try going without a dozen donuts a day. Try acting your age, not your shoe size. Try anything other than standing on a platform raised a few feet in the air for two days and sleeping in a heated van at night.
Why not stop making the event all about yourselves, KISS Country, and just pick a day and a drop-off point, then use the power of your radio station to urge everyone to come by and drop off some toys. It’s about the kids, after all, right?
Well, whoo-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma, Syntax. I guess you must work someplace where they play KISS-FM on the loudspeakers, since you know so much about Trace’s song, when all you listen to is ‘NCW and ‘PVM ;-). I’ll admit I listen to a couple of the local corporate stations, even though, as a WNCW alum, my heart is always with them, despite the downhill slide they’ve taken in the past ten years or so (or maybe I’m just blinded by my nostalgia for the "good ol’ days" of Wanda Lu and Greg and Marshall and Bill and Russ).
Keep in mind that these "stunts" actually -do- help the charity, despite the shameless plugs the stations give themselves and the sponsors in the process. And it’s not just the corporate evildoers — this has been standard practice in every type and size of radio station for decades. Without listeners and advertisers (or underwriters, donations & government/other grants), you don’t stay on the air. Charity promotions are just one tool in the grabbag of things you do to keep your call letters in the public’s collective minds. Sometimes it involves collecting toys for needy kids; sometimes it’s recording a CD and offering it as a premium for people who pledge money to the station (cutting out the middleman — the station itself is the charity).
the whole point of that exercise was to prevent anyone who hasn’t been indoctrinated yet from discovering what decent radio wnc has in the first place. heaven forbid that someone actually stumbles upon wncw or wpvm by themselves before they discover a station that plays lee greenwood or toby keith every time there’s a terrorist attack or that piece of shit "honky tonk badonkadonk" song whenever it’s feeling "frisky".
this shouldn’t be surprising, every town (or, in this case, "market") has a clear channel- or infinity-owned lowest-common-denominator radio station that pulls this kind of "self-promotion disguised as charity work" stunt all the time. and the good sheeple listeners eat it up while rationally thinking people stand there, stunned.
these radio stations only exist to prove sturgeon’s law: 95 percent of everything is crap.
I’ve often wondered about the crane, though I have never slowed down enough to really pay attention. It seems to blend well with all of the other garbage on Patton.
Thanks for the correction on the name, guys. I’ve corrected it in the post.
For what it’s worth, KISS’s DJ is Chuck Marsh, and the accent is real (although the shameless rip-off of "Larry the Cable Guy" gets old in a hurry). Finley is now at 96.5. Doesn’t change your general premise, but just doing my part to keep the blame appropriately placed.
Chuck Finley used to work at KISS…he works now at 96.5 WOXL.
The fat DJ from KISS that was at the Toys for Tots thing, though is also named Chuck…Chuck Marsh.
I’m with you. How much $ could they spend on needy kids if they didn’t rent the crane and all the other crap?
At the same time, unfortunately, some people only respond to fanfare and chicanery.