Jason Sandford
Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.
Police stop police
WLOSers Larry “Gloryhole” Blunt, Diva Darcel and Cherub Charu were breathless Wednesday night as they told us about a state trooper getting pulled over for speeding on Mills Gap Road. This was an exclusive, they said.
A Fletcher police department officer stopped Patrol Sgt. Kevin Bray, who often goes on camera with WLOS to talk about how people have to slow down and wear their seatbelts.
The Fletcher office stopped Bray Tuesday and alleges Bray was going 99 mph in a 45 mph zone. But get this – after talking with Bray, the young Fletcher PD officer didn’t charge Bray. What’s up with that?
Well, we know what’s up with that.
But Blunt said the Fletcher police chief wasn’t done with the case. The chief has notified the highway patrol and the local district attorney’s office. Blunt said the Highway Patrol issued a terse statement that basically said, “Nobody’s been charged.”
Charu took the story from there, going out to Mills Gap Road, where a young woman was killed in a car wreck a few weeks ago. She also talked to a couple who live on the road, who say they see speeders all the time and nothing will probably come of the trooper thing.
No doubt WLOSers will be all over this again today. More to come.
Grandma in the ditch
An 81-year-old woman who was parking her car accidently put it in drive or something and went over a huge, steep embankment at the Sam’s Club in West Asheville off Patton Avenue Wednesday night. She wasn’t seriously injured. Just take away her license now, for goodness sakes.
Weapons of ass destruction
Russ “Beefcake” Bowen, who now knows more about dungeons and sex slaves than ever, stayed on The Neuticle Report Wednesday with more sensational news about the case. Remember, this is the case of three guys charged with castration without malice (or a medical license).
First, Russ talked to a plumber, who said he’d been to the Haywood County dungeon house of Master Rick (Richard Sciara) and his minions. The plumber said he saw a cage there. And “sexual devices,” whatever that means. And padded saw horses with handcuffs or something. That was a nice detail.
He said it all kind of creeped him out and made him wish he had eyes in the back of his head “so nobody would sneak up behind me,” or something like that. I’m sure that visit cured him of showing any plumber’s crack, that’s for sure.
Then Russ went down to the local hardware, where he talked to a young dude who said he’d seen Master Rick there buying chains and collars. He fingered one chain that he described as suitable for a pit bull, like we need to demonize these dudes even more. Then the clerk described how, the last time SlickRick visited, he bought a chain and clipped it onto the collar of his slave, slung the leader over his shoulder and proceeded to walk out the door.
“We didn’t say anything. We just all looked at each other when these guys left and were like, ‘What was that?'” the young clerk said, bugging his eyes out real big.
Finally, at 11, WLOSers had a picture of “Dungeon Slave Dan” in his little leather outfit, similar to the Internet ad showing Master Rick in his ass-less chaps and leather vest.
Teen arrested in Oakley killing
Police arrested a 17-year-old in connection with the shooting death of a 22-year-old, whos body was found off of Onteora Road in Oakley on Tuesday. The other day, Michelle Boudin kept referring to it as an “execution-style* hit, with one bullet in the head. On Wednesday, they never referred to the killed as “execution-style.”
Did that suddenly go out of style? Or was it just sensational bullshit?
In Madison County, does the punishment fit the crime?
Carolyn “Red” Ryan (girl, lay off the fake-bake; you’re looking way too much like Tammy Birkner did a few months back) brought us a follow-up to her fun story about some Madison County students turning Madison High School into Animal House by letting loose 7 roosters, 5 possums and 2 raccoons.
The animals made a mess, school officials weren’t happy about it and police arrested like eight students – all caught on school surveillance cameras – and charged them with breaking and entering and damage to personal property and such.
But one parent of a student charged said it’s all about politics. And a couple of parents and students that Red talked to said look, it was a senior prank and the kids shouldn’t be charged criminally with anything. After all, crap like this has been going on for years and nobody has been charged before, they said.
The parent of a girl charged in the case is Mike Gahagan, a former Highway Patrol officer running for sheriff this year against Sheriff Ledford, who charged the kids. Gahagan said the charges are meant to make him look bad this election season. Ledford said he’s just upholding the rule of law.
The criminal charges do seem a little harsh, dontcha think?
A fungus among us
Sheraldo brought us a gory report on an eye fungus that can affect the wearers of contact lenses. Darcel tossed it to Sheraldo by asking if anyone in Western North Carolina was affected, and Sheraldo glazed right over that. “No, but….”
As soon as Sheraldo told me that not one single person in Western North Carolina was affected by the creepy eye fungus, we just sort of tuned him out. But that didn’t stop us from getting a little grossed out at the photos he had of people’s eyes melting, and of a milky white fungus growing on eyeballs.
Tami Birckner left Fox Carolina about a month ago.. She’s now burning up the airwaves at SCTV in Columbia…
She.. and her perma-tan.. are missed.
Kaboom!… rumble, rumble, rumble.. the Lightnin’ sheds a tear.. (you’ll always be my Greenville Idol, TB) -WL-
ok, EM, now you’re drunk. and i’ve got to give the Lightnin’ credit for that one…
Okay, weapons of ass destruction is fricking hilarious. I bow before your punny wit.
Dammit, now I have to go take my contact lenses out!
Speaking of Tami Birckner, what ever happened to her? I haven’t seen her on Fox Carolina recently and she’s off the website. Did she get canned for her white supremacist views?
Just saw beefcake at the Biltmore Athletic Club looking more like a fitness magazine cover than a WLOSER.
I’ll agree with John: Senior pranks are common, but this one was a little extreme and required quite a bit of manpower to clean up, plus it sounds like there was some property damange. Heck, if anything, these kids deserve a stiffer punishment for being such dumbasses and not taking the security cameras into account. That’ll teach ’em to be sneakier vandals next time.
I would give the kids parents a choice…drop the charges, the kids have to foot the bill and they are not allowed to participate in graduation activites (not allowed to receive diplomas with the other students), or they stand trial for B&E and damage to property.
I would also make the parents wear a sign in the main street of Marshall saying, "I am the dumbass, redneck parent of one of the kids that trashed the high school, and instead of my baby going to court, I agreed to wear this sign".