Jason Sandford
Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.
What’s in the bottle? This is cross-posted from Edgy Mama. Check out her site for the big reveal:
One of the highlights of our book club’s trip to Amelia Island last weekend was the discovery of, yes, a message in a bottle, on the storm-tossed beach in the wake of Tropical Storm Tammy.
My friend B found the bottle, bouncing in the surf, which was littered with debris from the storm. A Hefty ziplock bag, protecting a tantalizingly folded piece of paper, showed through the bottle’s green glass.
As a group, we decided to live, for a few hours, with the mysterious presence of the bottle. Unfortunately, the barnacles adhering to it made it a rather pungent guest, so the bottle was banished to the porch.
Before opening it, we decided make some guesses as to what its contents might be. A few of our supppositions were:
1. A cry for help from a woman who witnessed a crime (probably drug-related) and was subsequently kidnapped and being held captive on a yacht.
2. A woman stranded on a desert island, anxious about her lack of internet service, asking if the bottle’s discoverer would please post the enclosed message on her blog (this was not my guess, though I inspired it).
3. A homeschooling assignment.
4. A scorned female, who, in her moment of rejection, drank the bottle of wine, then enclosed a letter to her former lover with a lock of her hair, which she had shorn in her grief.
5. A man, in love with a woman he can’t have. As he can’t tell her or anyone else how he feels, he releases his passion in a love note, then consigns it to the sea.
6. A confession that cannot be told.
7. The numbers to a Swiss bank account.
And, now, for your suppositions. The tale will continue to unfold…
AD, I wish Mom was open to off-color jokes–I continally shock and offend her. Of course, I’m probably adopted, so it’s not her fault.
good one, dad!
EM: I clean up pretty good! But, once a sailor always a sailor. Anyway maybe your Mom gets more of a kick out of an off-color joke than you think.
Cute, AD. I think my readers could have handled this–after all, they put up with Ash’s half-nekkid girly pics–and my cousin Quincy’s constant porn references.
Although, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ll be setting you up with my Mom now.
I made a comment on EM’s site that seeing the bottle reminded me of Genies. I wimped out on putting this on EM’s site cause it’s a tiny bit blue. I’m such a wuss.
Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar.
He didn’t have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one.
“I sure do,” he replied while he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch BIC lighter.
“Wow!” said his friend, “Where did you get that monster lighter?” I got it from my genie. You have a genie? Yes, right here in my golf bag. Could I see him? He opens his golf bag and out pops a genie.
The friend asks the genie, Since, I’m a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish? “Yes, I will'” the genie replies. The friend asks the genie for a million bucks.
The genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks.
Suddenly, the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead is heard. The friend tells his golfing partner, “I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!
He answers, I forgot to tell you that the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch BIC?