Jason Sandford
Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.
Here’s this month’s installment of advice from Authentic Integration Asheville sex coach DiAnna. Got a question? Contact her at her web site here, or leave a question in the comments section of this post.
Now to the topic at hand:
Q: Ok, I’ll bite. Thank you, Ash, for providing the forum. Let these other guys sit on the sidelines and yuk it up.
I’m in the Viagra years but don’t think I need the V, can get hard and stay hard reasonably well for my age, but no matter how perfect or wonderfully exciting my partner’s activities, I often can’t come without helping out myself, with my hand. This didn’t use to be true. The obvious theory is that I’m thinking too much, but I don’t think I’m thinking more than I used to, when I was able to come with no problem.
Thanks.
~Hard to tell
A: Dear Hard to tell,
Youre right that Viagra (and other medications like it) are designed primarily for increasing blood flow to the penis to help maintain an erection. As men age, they need more stimulation, more foreplay, to produce an erection. If you are satisfied with your erections, there is no need for meds. If, however, you do feel as if you need to take something to get yourself physically ready for sexual activities then BlueChew may be something worth investigating – check out this link for a review of the product.
There are a couple of things going on. First, as men age their sensitivity can decrease. This is why your hand works when a mouth, vagina, or anus may not you get dual feedback. Additionally, you can immediately vary the rhythm, the grip, and the way you stimulate the head of the penis without having to communicate with another person and having the delay of “yes, that’s it,” or “no, not quite, try this.”
You may also be “thinking too much”, but I think it is more likely that you are thinking in old ways, and could find more stimulation thinking differently. You could also try using a vibrator to increase stimulation, which may help you orgasm faster, but only if you are decreasing pleasure being frustrated trying to orgasm. You could also try and find some helpful sexual equipment on somewhere like https://loveballs.co/, as they specialize in love balls that increase sexual pleasure for women.
Mens & womens bodies change as we mature. Sexual response in the 30s is different from the teens and early 20s. Similarly, sexual response in our 60s and 70s is also different from the 30s. Over-emphasis on orgasm can affect our ability to enjoy the moment. If you and your partner are enjoying your sexual activity, orgasm may recede in importance. Remember to focus on enjoyment and pleasure. Communicate with your partner. It might be helpful to read articles on PENP. They have some useful information.
The point of sexual intimacy is intimacy. However you get there, in a way that feels good to you and your partner, is exactly what you need.
With pleasure,
DiAnna
Authentic Integration
