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It is commonly thought that Chuck Norris has never shed a tear, but that is not quite true. Once while repelling a massive solar flare baring down on Asheville with his steely gaze, Chuck Norris shed a single tear. This tear was reverse engineered to create what is now known as super glue.
Chuck Norris has never seen himself, even he’s too scared to look in the mirror.
Chuck Norris has in his possession 3 items that can at any time end all life in the universe.
We know them as his fists.
So when is the winner announced? And is there going to be a vote? ACTION fest is right around the corner!
OK… Im dying here! Who is the winner?????? (and I mean other than Chuck Noris!)
Asheville – "any way Chuck Norris likes it"
All those runners in the AC-T half marathon were really just running from Chuck Norris.
The reason Chuck Norris is coming to Asheville is because he heard the slogan "Men to Match Our Mountains" and knew he was the only man who qualified.
The pig at the Vance monument was originally going in the right direction, until he saw Chuck Norris coming and turned around.
Chuck Norris isn’t coming to Asheville. Asheville is getting "Chuck Norrised."
After having more women than Tiger Woods, he realized the only person who satisfies Chuck Norris – is Chuck Norris.
Before Chuck Norris: Plains Rangers, After Chuck Norris: Steep Canyon Rangers.
Smashing Pumpkins played for 9 days in Asheville and on the 10th, Chuck Norris allowed them to move on.
Love ’em!
Chuck Norris isn’t coming to Asheville, he’s coming to Kick-Your-Asheville.
Chuck Norris created Beaucather Tunnel….with his fists
Ben Bernanke recently said "People of America the recession is over and we have nothing to fear but fear itself & Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris sneezed in Texas, Asheville had a snow day…
LOL I want to see a Top Ten Chuck Norris Asheville Facts from these!
The Warren Wilson Bubbas cancelled their rouge party after "Walker: Texas Ranger" came on during the planning session.
State Legislators were set to cave on the Sullivan Acts until Chuck Norris weighed in.
Rumor has it that Chuck Norris has been practicing round-house kicks in Maggie Valley. Are the landslides just a coincidence?
Chuck Norris performs only one posture in Bikram Hot Yoga: boot to the ass. He holds it for eternity.
Chuck Norris isn’t coming to Asheville for a film fest. Chuck Norris is coming to Asheville to impregnate Wendy Lou Gillespie in order to create a race of superbeings who can roundhouse kick you in the face–via Twitter and Facebook.
Uh,…why is this so fun?
When Chuck Norris spars with mountains on I-40. Chuck Norris wins.
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you in the head, you start to think like Carl Mumpower.
Chuck Norris believes in city domestic partnership benefits….that cover mustache maintenance.
Chuck Norris stays in town for Bele Chere.
The Vance obelisk is actually homage to Chuck Norris’ package.
Chuck Norris has a Downtown Master Plan. It is called "Chuck Norris can do whatever the F__K he wants to".
Stewart Coleman lives in constant fear that he will one day want to cut down Chuck Norris’ magnolia tree.
So what if City Councilmen are atheist? Chuck Norris is a kickyourass-theist.
City Council has approved session-opening prayer but must always ask to be saved from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ I-26 Alternative is "Reroute it up your ass".
What is Chuck Norris’ I-26 Alternative? Trick question. For Chuck Norris, there ARE NO alternatives but ass kicking.
Chuck Norris didn’t camp out for Phish tickets – he doesn’t sleep.
Heath Shuler can throw a football 60 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Heath Shuler farther.
Heath Shuler almost always votes "No". Chuck Norris doesn’t ‘almost’ do anything.
Chuck Norris is not a Teabaggers, he is a potato sacker.
MOMS is actually Chuck Norris’ tag meaning he just bagged yours.
Chuck Norris does not receive a recorded message from Charlie Glazner. Charlie calls him personally.
If Chuck Norris also opened a brewery in Asheville, his flagship beer wouldl be called "Drink This or I will kick you in the face IPA".
Chuck Norris took the Brews Cruise and didn’t pee once.
Chuck Norris walked into Greenlife and impregnated four women via reverse-Missed Connection.
Peeing your name in the snow Asheville? Well Chuck Norris Just pissed his name in conrete.
Chuck Norris is the reason our Mountians are blue, they heard about the time he turned a Mountian into a Mole Hill…
Why all the snow in Asheville?
Chuck Norris turned his icy gaze your way.
The French Broad river used to flow South until it met Chuck Norris in Asheville, now it flows North…
Chuck Norris doesn’t need moonshine. His gut distills corn on its own.
chuck norris will turn all the lesbians of asheville straight.
When Chuck Norris comes to Asheville, the Laughing Seed weeps.
another one from the CT boards:
Chuck Norris isn’t coming to Asheville. Asheville is getting Chuck Norrised.
Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean Section at Mission Hospital… when he round-house kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.
great! keep ’em coming.
here’s one i stole off the Citizen-Times boards:
chuck norris took the brews cruise and didn’t pee once.
(I think the Vance Monument one was the best so far.. but here are my entries)
Belle Chere is a french word.. meaning Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris signed his name on a candy wrapper .. and it had more circulation than the Citizen-Times.
Chuck Norris doesn’t participate in drum circles… He just looks at the drums and the sound surrenders.
Chuck Norris isn’t a smelly Asheville hippy … even his own body odor runs and hides because it is scared of him.
Chuck Norris once dated Darcelle Grimes. Nuff said.
Bob Calwell retired from WLOS because Chuck Norris didn’t like one of his forecasts.
The Blue Ridge Barbecue Festival was almost canceled earlier this year.. until organizers heard Chuck Norris was hungry.
The original website domain ‘mountainx.com’ belonged to Chuck Norris. It was a site dedicated to his poops.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need Hawaiian conferences. Chuck Norris just looks at people and MAKES them fly to his airport.
Does Chuck Norris need to sell Girl Scout cookies on the internet? No, he kicks you through your computer and MAKES you pay for them.
Chuck Norris is so well endowed, the Vance Monument is envious.
The Boogie Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.