Cell phones and the loss of civility

Jason Sandford

Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.

1

Ever been talking to someone on a cell phone when they suddenly start up a conversation with somebody else and just leave you hanging like a bad weave? It happens a lot these days, and while I know this whole topic is nothing new, I still feel the need to make one last plea for proper manners, for politeness, for civility. The majority of the time this happens with calls I don’t even want from people I don’t even know, I used to use a reverse phone lookup more than I ate breakfast at one point.

It’s not often that I rant, but hey, it’s my blog, right?

Remember when phone conversations were the province of the kitchen table, had with cigarettes and coffee? Or bedside in the bedroom? Or in the office? Back when phones were a lot less portable, phone conversations were corralled, confined to a designated space. There was some modicum of privacy. Or at least sanctity over the fact that there was a phone conversation happening.

That was long ago. Now phones are absoultely portable, and the phone conversation has proliferated. From the very private toilet seat to the very public typing class, people are talking on the phone.

Etiquette Tip #1: Putting Callers on Hold
When putting a caller on hold, always ask permission. If they ask why, provide them with the answer. Examples:
“Would you mind holding while I get your file?”
“Can you hold briefly while I see if Mr. Jones is available?”
When taking a caller off of hold, always thank them for holding.

One quick sideline – phones have shrunk. They’re smaller, and I think this runs to the detriment of the caller on the line. No longer is the caller a chunk of heavy plastic hefted to ear. No. Now they’re just a feather-light bit of electronic chip. That translates to impoliteness, I believe. With that diminished presence comes a diminished sense of obligation to the person on the line.

But I digress. With mobility comes a lack of privacy. The cell phone is a public nuisance. People on the cell phone subject any kind of stranger to their important call. And there’s another problem – the person with the phone to their ear suddenly becomes a multi-tasker, holding more than just one conversation at a time. Any passerby, or another person in a room or elevator or at a checkout, can be brought into the conversation. No longer is a phone call a sacred one-on-one exchange. No. Calling a person on a cell phone is like having unprotected sex – you’re doing it with the person on the other end of the line, as well as every other person that person has a passing fancy for. And we’re not even talking call waiting here.

Etiquette Tip #2
Most frequent caller complaints
10. “The person says, ‘Wait’, and then talks to other co-workers without putting me on hold so
that I can’t hear their small talk.”

Once upon a time, people politely asked the person on the other end if they could be “put on hold,” while other business was conducted. Not any more. These days, with phone as mobile unit, there can be three or four conversations happening at once, and if you’re the unlucky sap stuck on the landline, you never know when lightning might strike.

You could be in the middle of making an emphatic point. Or at the center of a dramatic pause. And the voice on the other end of the line fades, and you hear, “Hey Linda! Great to see you. Yeah. Hahahaha. Great seeing you! Bye.”

Bye? Is our conversation over now? Who was that? Are we talking now? Where were we?

Things have gotten so out of hand that cell phones are being banned in schools. Business have resorted to posting signs, explain the basic rules of courtesy. One sandwich shop in Ashevegas has a sign telling customers not to come to the counter to order unless the cell phone is off and removed from the ear.

Etiquette Tip #3
The cell phone bore is an anywhere, anytime phoner, taking and making calls in public rest rooms, during church services and riding along in the rental shuttle while squeezed alongside of others. The cell phone bore sacrifices effectiveness and professionalism for convenience and immediacy.

What happened to common courtesy? To me, it’s a situation comparable to two people talking in person when a third walks up. Person A is talking to Person B. Person A starts talking to walk-up Person C. Emily Post would dictate that Person A would introduce Persons B and C, lest Person B feel ignored, left out, dissed.

Shouldn’t the same basic rules of etiquette apply to the phone? The polite hold, at the least. Better yet, the acknowledgment that the old one-on-one phone conversation pact still applies. What happened to the days when the person on the phone covers the receiver and demands of the room – “Shut up! I’m on the phone!”