Passing the torch

Jason Sandford

Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.

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Bulldog says it’s time to pass the torch. I think he’s on to something. Read on, my pretties:

Since the beginning of recorded time, Madison County has been the statewide laughing stock of North Carolina, what with its Deliverance settings, moonshine legacy and history of underhanded and illegal politics. Over the years Madison County has had instances of voting from the cemetery, campaign slogans like “Vote Early, Vote Often” and, more recently, the bruhaha over the suggestive dancing of some 50+ dame being banned by a town council.

All of that, of course, has been amusing to the rest of the state. Oh well, that’s just Madison County, outsiders would shrug.
Well, it’s time to pass the torch. Madison had a good run as the joke capital of the mountains, but like the new Coca-Cola float commercial says, your run is over.
Introducing the new captain of Hillbilly Hijinks – Haywood County.
Consider its candidacy:
– a town recreation employee in Waynesville uses a civic club’s donation of thousands of dollars earmarked for playground equipment to send to one of those “African Prince Help Me Get My Millions” internet scams.
– the Papertown Association in Canton fires two directors within months for using tourism dollars for personal expenditures, all under the blind eye of the town’s city council.
– a guy loses $5,000 he paid for – what else? – a ’68 Mustang to a fake Ebay web site. No doubt it was Canary Yellow. I mean, how do you get on a fake Ebay site without some sophisticated computer skills?
– a Maggie Valley businessman wants the tourism development director fired, the board he’s on wants him ousted, and the county commissioners who appointed him don’t know what powers they have to resolve the issue.
– the school board wants an investigation of missing supplies and/or funds from a local building supply business which insists it was only running a credit account, and the school board should have known about it. Meanwhile, the purchasing manager for the schools suddenly decides to resign.
– the Council on Aging, entrusted with disbursing United Way funds to flood victims, can’t account for a missing $100,000 so it disbands. Explanations pending.
– the Sheriff’s Department busts a wierd circle of old men up on Allen’s Creek who get their kicks by cutting the nuts off other men in their “dungeon,” videotaping the procedures, and storing the balls in the refrigerator. (At least, the frig wasn’t on the front porch.) They were investigated once before, but the crack Haywood I-Team found no wrongdoing the first time. “This right here beats anything I have ever seen,” says the sheriff. No shit.
– one of the Haywood Ball Boys turns out to be a winner of a “Shining Light” employee award at Harrah’s Casino. Pardon me, but I think I prefer the dark. And Madison County.

Bulldog