Sightings

John “Punnyman” Le knows how to rib, after all.

Le won last weekend’s rib fest at the local TV station, a litte competition he and a videographer have each year for top billing. Reports are that his ribs were finger-lickin’ good. That John Le, he’s a real ribber. (ha-ha; get it John; a pun; I made a pun on you; get it; ha-ha; just like you do each night.)

Also, my spywitnesses report seeing Charu cutting a rug at Tressa’s on Monday. Charu was probably letting off some steam, taking a break from the big wedding preparations. Dancing to a Latin beat, she apparently knocked some people’s socks off. Word is she used to teach salsa and merengue.

You go girl! (Just a reminder – we really want some wedding pix; don’t let down your legions of fans!)

You call that a weather forecast?
I sat stunned watching the 6 tonight as Cuervo Cuevas slashed away at golf balls instead of giving us a weather forecast. Is this what we’ve come to?

There was Cuervo in his shirt and sandals – you know, those gay Mike Tyson sandals that only ear-biters can get away with wearing in public because if you’re not an earbiter and wear those, you get the shit beat out of you. So he was wearing those sandals and cracking away at golf balls out in WLOS’ backyard. That was it. At least that’s all I remember, because I was so stunned.

I don’t want to watch your pitiful golf shot. I don’t want to watch you stuffing your pie hole with barbecue at the barbecue festival. I don’t want to hear your dumb interviews with children. I want the weather information. Just give me the forecast, for christsake.

What happened to just telling me what the weather was going to be like tomorrow??? You know, give me some actual information I can use. O, I forgot. You can’t even get that right (like the giant Memorial Day weekend forecast muff).

So OK Cuervo, go out back and whack your balls. Better yet, give me the club and I’ll whack your balls.

Teleprompter foreheads
Scotty-too-Hottie and Diva Darcel had a bad case of Teleprompter forehead at the start of the six.

Both were looking down and reading their scripts, rather than facing the camera. So we got nice shots of their heads. Guess the late-breaking child molester news didn’t make it on the Teleprompter.

To compound problems, there was a big dead spot at the start of one of the stories and missed camera assignment.

Circle jerked
Last night, John “Punnyman” Le made a big deal out of mysterious crop circle in Yancey County. Could it be aliens, Le wondered.

Tonight, buried in the 11 o’clock news, Scottie-too-Hottie tells us that famed paranormal Joshua Warren of Asheville investigated, walking the circle himself, and has determined that is made by human hand.

No shit, Sherlock. That’s what we told you last night. You didn’t have to look any further than the farmer’s son. This sort of bullshit “story” is what’s killing journalism. Stop it, already.

6 Comments

  1. Apparently, she’s only been around long enough to see Cuevasimon. Bettes was the best we’ve had. Doogie Boyer was much better than Cuevas; heck, even Bostic and Goober Stephenson were better. But at least with the Count, we get the “FOREcast for chiCAHgo” and get to see the same WeatherSpotter 5 days in a row at 6:00.

  2. Cuevas is far from “the best weatheer man we have ever had in this area.” What are you, his wife?

    Bill Norwood was better than Cuervo. Bob Caldwell is better than Cuervo. Hell, even Mike Bettis was better than Cuevas.

  3. I, for one, like to get information from my newscast. If I wanted to watch someone flap some golf balls, I’d go to the golf course.

  4. Get off of Mike Cuevas’ back. He’s the best damn Weatherman we have ever had in this area. If he wants to show us his ‘human’ and family side, so be it. I for one like to see that he is a real person, just like the rest of us.

  5. Whenever I hear someone say, “Whenever I see the word ‘piehole’, I smile.” I LOL.

  6. Whenever I see the word ‘piehole’, I smile.

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