Bring it on, Bele Chere. I’m ready. Ready for the hellfire and damnation of it all. For the funnel cakeness and drunkenness. For the debauch and butt crack. For the musicality and mania. I want it all, washing over me like a great flood of feeling.
And o, by the way, Ashvegas will be, for the first time ever, presenting T-shirts! Yes — official Ashvegas T-shirts, not those cheap rip-offs with the classic sign and all.
To show you said T-shirts, I need some sexy models. Or just any models. Current working T-shirt taglines:
“Ashvegas T-shirts. Looks good on a bum. Better on you.” (Bum wearing a tee)
“Ashvegas T-Shirts. When you say nothing, you say it all.” (Mumpower wearing a tee)
“Ashvegas T-shirts. Russ Bowen never looked so good.” (Russ wearing a tee)
“Ashvegas T-shirts. Because you’re hot and you know it.” (hottie wearing a tee)
Anyway, look for me on the streets of Ashvegas during Bele Chere. I’ll be selling the shirts for a festival special price of $10. Yep, a sawbuck will get you unlimited coolness. Prices go up after that!