This is one sad news obit. Asheville folks who know Cookie are crushed
Famed local Irritainer Cookie LaRue has been found dead in her mega-mansion on what was once a beautiful mountain 15 minutes outside of what was once Beautiful Downtown Asheville.
According to coroner’s reports no foul play is expected (oddly). It appears Miss LaRue died from neglect and malnutrition caused by on overdose of Cheetos.
An unfinished obituary in her delicate script was found near her body:
“Miss LaRue began her career in 19somethingsomething with the Tony Award winning Smash Hit and seldom heard of “Annie III: Annie, Get Your Gun” and had as much moderate success with her other Smash Hit and seldom heard of Broadway shows; “A Shit Ton of Night Music”, “The Sounds of Mucus” and “Cats 2: The Big Hairball”.
After leaving Broadway in 19somethingsomething Miss LaRue had an amazing career on the television in programs such as “Circumcision of the Stars”, the original “One Day at a Time” (before that bitch Bonnie Franklin came in and ruined the whole thing), “The Totie Fields Comedy Hour” and “The Love Boat”, which aired in many cities you have heard of.
In her later years Cookie performed several acts daily on Andy Williams and his Stage in Branson until Courts and other Government Agencies (the FBI, CIA, NASA, FEMA and the CDC) made her unusual brand of Irritainment illegal in Missouri or Miscopy or Montana or Mississippi or wherever the hell Branson is.
Speaking of Andy Williams you tell that son of a bitch that I said . . .”
There will be a Memorial in Miss LaRue’s chosen hometown of Asheville, NC on Wednesday, October 27 beginning at Pack Square at 7pm with a procession leading Miss LaRue’s Poor, Dead, Frail, and Amazingly Still Incredibly Sexy Body through the streets of Asheville ending with a Memorial Service at her Bar, LaRue’s Backdoor.
In lieu of Flowers Miss LaRue has requested that CASH DONATIONS be left at her bar at the memorial or sent (IN CASH OR MONEY ORDER OR CASHIERS CHECK ONLY!!) to:
237 Haywood St
Asheville, NC 28801
I know the entire city and Miss LaRue’s tens of fans from around the world and all over the place will join us in our loss.