Bird flu mania

Health Shelton, Healther Shelton, Heather Shelton

Before we get to the bird flu – we forgot to mention that WLOSers had a quick update on Heather Shelton, the former North Buncombe High School teacher’s assistant accused of having sex with a student. Heather had a brief court appearance Monday. She’s scheduled to be back in court June 19.

Fanning the bird flu
WLOSers, in their shameless effort to do absolutely anything for ratings, stayed on the bird flu train Tuesday, riding it all the way to the end of the line.

WLOSers started Monday by splicing video from an ABC television movie about bird flu called “Fatal Contact” with interviews with local health officials to create their fake news. Then yesterday, WLOSers reported on themselves – the story Tuesday was that there’s an ABC television movie about bird flu, and some people might be scared, so local health officials have a hotline to call.

Michelle Boudin did the bird flu story at 6. She went out and got some video of pigeons in Pritchard Park (the implication being that the dumb pigeons can now be deadly vectors in a pandemic) and talked to an old man feeding the birds. Are you scared you could die of bird flu and are you going to watch my network’s sweeps special, “Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America?”, Michelle asked?

Here’s what the guy said: “I just don’t want to waste two hours of my life watching something intended to scare people.” Good for Michelle for leaving that quote in. Guess it was a little dig at the producer who made her do the stupid story in the first place.

If that weren’t enough, Charu at 11 actually went out to the UNCA campus and asked people to call the local hotline and listen to the recording. Then she interviewed them. By the way, Charu was “reporting live” from the Buncombe County Health Department.

One student said gasp “I see people sharing drinks.” That might not be a good idea if there’s infectious bird flu floating around.

So back at the anchor desk, Larry “Gloryhole” Bunt (who actually said “Boston Legal” is one of the best shows on TV – who are kiddin’, Larry? those bloated old bastards are boring) told us what we need to do in case of a pandemic – be ready to eat lots of peanut butter and canned meat, hoard lots of medicine and talk to the old people in your family about how they’ll be shitouttaluck if the bird flu hits.

Car wreck
An 18-year-old driving down Highway 74-A through Mine Hole Gap died after his car lost control, went airborne, flipped and crashed.

Mack-Dowell DMV shut down
WLOSer short-timer Mary Jedlicka had a story about the SBI moving in and shutting down the DMV tag office in Marion because a state audit recently found accounting irregularities. Mary talked to one guy who watched the cops haul computers out of the offices all day Monday. And she talked to a a bunch of old people driving up to get their tags renewed.

Blackberry winter
This cold snap we’re having is known as “blackberry winter.” Happens every year, right around the time the blackberries are blooming.

Civic Center options
Ashvegas City Council talked about what to do with the Civic Center for the billionth time last night, and still took no action. Council will await the results of its millionth economic impact study before deciding what to do, WLOSers said. The inaction on the Civic Center is such a joke – it’s not even funny any more. Council also passed a resolution to spend $1 million for repairs to the Civic Center’s roof, then said they’re going to put that on hold until they decide what to do with the center.

City Council also approved spending for two new firestations in fast growing parts of the city – out west. One station will be built on a road off of Brevard Road. The other will be located on Old Haywood Road, off of Patton Avenue.

News from Raleigh
In news from Raleigh, WLOSers said Gov. Mike Easley wants to give teachers an 8 percent pay increase. That’s good news, because they haven’t seen an increase in several years. Legislators are also talking about a state gas tax freeze or cut.

Summer foot pain
In other breaking news, Jon “Punnyman” Le had a story titled “summer foot pain.” O really. Who knew this was a problem. Actually, it may not be, because Le didn’t talk to anyone who said their feet hurt. He did talk to a foot doctor, who said flip-flops aren’t the best shoes in the world, and going barefoot isn’t such a good idea, either. Then Le went out and talked to one group of four or five giggly middle-schoolers who said they like to wear sandals and flip-flops.

There you have it.