Here’s the latest from the ongoing series from whatshouldavlcallme. Check ’em out at whatshouldashevillecallme. Follow wsavlcallme on the twitters.
With only a few weeks away to Halloween, here is your trusty guide to some easy Asheville-centric Homemade Halloween Costumes and other fun tips! Time to be creative and hop on over to Goodwill for supplies!
(Photo Cred: Googled “Drunk Pumpkins” and stole this from the internet, cuz ‘MERICA)
Easy Asheville Homemade Halloween Costumes
1. “The Topless Rally”
Materials: Oversized white T-shirt, paint, pictures of creepy old men with cameras you can attach to the back of your shirt that are propped up
Paint some large, saggy boobs on your white t-shirt (points for including a Kokopelli tattoo somewhere that is often seen on these type of protester women) Make some sort of upright background that connects to the back of your shirt that faces forward all the pictures of old creepy dudes in various face formations ranging from excitement to total creepers of boobalicious delight.
2. “The Local Lover”
Materials: Asheville Grown T-shirt, various local stickers from every local company in town.
Wear your Asheville Grown T-shirt while you wear pants covered in stickers from every Asheville place in town. You are a walking bumper sticker of all things Asheville! GO LOCAL! IN YOUR FACE CORPORATIONS! (You should shout this at everyone you encounter on Halloween too)
3. “The Hot Spot Customer”
Materials: wife-beater, smokes, smeared lipstick (for the ladies/some men) or any scary redneck-urban hybrid outfit you can think of, Hot Spot mug
Walk around Asheville with your friends holding your Hot Spot mug, smokes falling out of your hair, chew a Slim Jim AND tobacco at the same time, hold a Slushie, take breaks to win big at playing the scratch offs. This is your most important acting gig of your life! [Sidenote, Dear Asheville or reality television producer, can we PLEASE get a Hot Spot workers-type reality show happening soon?]
4. “The Public Landmark”
Materials: spray paint, clothes to paint on, the ability to freeze and stay that way for periods on end (Maybe study the Silver Girl in advance or just smoke a lot before hand)
Become the Flat Iron sculpture with wearing all black and making some sort of connector on your back that resembles the handle (Toilet paper rolls spray painted black) . Become the Vance Monument with spray painting cobblestones on your gray sweats. Or become that bronzed cat, pig, musical playing child you have always dreamed of. Just don’t get lead poisoning, Halloween is about alcohol poisoning.
5. “The Bike Snob”
Materials: Bikes, any bicycle T-shirt, bike hat, water bottle,spandex or rolled up pant with shaved leg
Just be a normal person of Asheville that loves bikes, you don’t even have to go too far for this one! Mmmm…men in spandex. Please do this mens of town. Tweet me pictures (I may or may not have a secret collection)
6. “The Helen’s Bridge”
Materials: Ball gown, noose, bewitching smiles
Wear your best ball gown with a name tag that reads Helen. Say you are in a bad mood. Hold a noose around your neck. Make people call your name so you can do fun pranks on them! You can also earn major bonus points if you somehow construct a tiny bridge around you if people are still confused about who you are. (The bridge can also be a holder for beers, jus’ sayin’)
7. “The Craft Beer Guru Keg of Delight”
Materials: Wooden Barrel, hat from brewery, stickers, your open mouth for delicious beers
Pretend you are a keg of your favorite craft beer. Wear that Barrell proud. Put a sticker of your favorite brewery on. MAJOR Halloween bonus points here if you can truly become a genius beer engineer/architect and construct some sort of makeshift keg barrel and it actually pours beer. Please let me know if you can do this, because I want to be your new best friend.
8. “The Ultimate Tourist”
Materials: Mom jeans, sweatshirt around the waist, sensible shoes, fanny pack, map of Asheville
Act lost. Ask questions “How many breweries are in town?” “Where is the Vance Monument?” “WHERE SHOULD I EAT LUNCH?” Hold up traffic by trying to park in the decks that say “FULL.” Do this all night, I am sure you will make tons of friends.
9. “The Trader Joe’s Parking Lot”
Materials : Black Sweats, puffy paint, hot wheels, glue
Become the thing most feared in Asheville currently: The Trader Joe’s Parking Lot. Paint parking lot lanes and roads with your puffy paint all over your black sweats, glue on massive amounts of Hot Wheels all over, make some cars crash into each other! Don’t know what to do with that Trader Joe’s newsletter that was mailed to you? Fashion an old-timey hat and wear it as well. I have already been creeped out as I typed this whole paragraph. SO SCARY!
10 . “The Gutter Punk of Lexington”
Materials: studs, leather jacket, black clothes with a hint of mud, dog on rope, guitar, sign made out of cardboard
I know you have always dreamed about wanting to abandon your life and become a gutter punk right here in town. Now is your chance! Steal a dog (preferably pit bull mix) and put a rope around him. Walk around. Sit on the ground. Rock out those studs. Take a mud bath. Ask people to give you a dollar “for food.” The night is young gutter punk, the night is young.
Tips on Having a Safe Halloween
1. Go on an adventure and take bunches of dru— um, candy from strangers.
2. Don’t even try driving on Kimberly Street or the rich neighborhoods unless you want to hit a kid with your car.
3. Collect all the stinkbugs in your house and play a prank on someone with them!
4. Don’t be that girl that always chooses a slutty outfit. I feel uncomfortable when I see a slutty Harry Potter.
5. Keep a “care” bag in your car if needed throughout the night: glue, condoms, glitter, piece of bread, compass. Use them all at once for the full effect
6. Practice your walk of shame in your costume beforehand to avoid any further embarrassing stumbles.
7. Jello Pudding Wrestling + Girl in White Bikinis = Mummy Pudding Wrestling. I made up a new Halloween event for your party. You’re welcome.
8. Prime throwing up spots downtown: All the parking decks, all the urban trail statues, every street basically. Have no shame and just ride that shit out anywhere.
9. Too busy drinking all night and not getting to eat any of candy that reminds you of your childhood? Hit up all the drug stores within the next week 50-75 percent off, baby!
10. Zombies actually come alive at Riverside Cemetery that night, so beware. Zombie Thomas Wolfe always wakes up angry and zombie O.Henry is still a stumbling drunk.