Plant layoffs, a pencil stabbing, eco-terrorism and more in the news

Breaking news: 13-year-old killed crossing Hwy. 70
WLOSers told us that the boy was trying to cross the busy highway in Swannanoa when he was struck by a car. The boy was taken to Mission Hospitals, but didn’t survive.

Plant layoff
Stanley Furniture, a plant that employs 450 out in Graham County, will lay off 200 of those workers starting in February. The plant made the announcement Wednesday, just in time for Christmas, and blamed an industry-wide slowdown.

Terrie “Pasty-face” Foster gave us a good insight into the impact of the layoff – she talked to a guy who has worked for the plant for seven years. He’s married and he’s got five kids. The wife is finishing some schooling. And a number of their relatives work at the plant. They don’t know yet exactly who is getting laid off, but it’s going to be devastating for that community, Robbinsville, and Graham County in general.

Stabbed for Funonions
A Buncombe County jailer said he was attacked by a pencil-wielding inmate, all for a few Thunder chips. Cherub Charu brought us this over-hyped, exclusive story.

It turns out the jailer was just scratched on the neck. But it was pretty funny that the inmate, who said another inmate put him up to the attack, accepted some Raman noodles, chips and cookies in exchange for the attack.

Those inmates are a resourceful bunch.

Shuler to take on traffic jams
WLOSers told us that congressman-elect Heath Shuler got his first committee assignment – the Transportation and Infrastructure Committee. Heath told WLOSers that his work on the committee could be good for the economy. That’s because one of the first things he’s gonna do is stop the damn traffic jams at the I-40/I-240/I-26 confluence. All those trucks trying to deliver goods sitting in traffic isn’t good for our economy, he said.

Heath didn’t say what he would do – get more money to pave more of our mountains for roads? That won’t go over well with the high-minded North Ashvegas liberals who voted for you, friend.

No smoking for the bums
WLOSers said that the Western Carolina rescue mission is banning smoking inside the shelter. By taking away “gateway” drugs like nicotine, the drug addicts there will have a better chance of staying clean, according to the shelter director.

The ban doesn’t stop a bum from begging a cig and stepping outside to puff. Sounds like a weak move.

Does grafitti equal ‘eco-terrorism’?
Russ “Beefcake” Bowen stood along Merrimon Avenue Wednesday night in front of a billboard for a new mountain development that had been vandalized with some paint splotches.

Russ said he got an e-mail from “the Ghost of Christmas Future.” Russ quoted the anonymous e-mailer, who claimed credit for the vandalism. And Russ said the cops said the paint-on-the-billboard was borderline “eco-terrorism.”

Careful with that word, Russ. That one’s loaded. ‘Eco-terrorism’ seems to us to indicate threats of violence, or real acts of violence, in the name of saving the environment. We don’t think property damage and vandalism really qualify.

Billboards advertising the Cliffs, the development at Reynolds Mountain, the Ramble and Firefly Mountain were all hit with paint. Police said they’ll try to track down where the email came from, but they doubt they’ll have much luck.

In the news you knew
On the health beat, Jay Seltzerwater says a cold is a virus and there is not treatment for it. He quotes a doctor saying rest and chicken soup is the best treatment for the symptoms. O, and prevention is the best medicine. For the 1.89 billionth time, a WLOSer shows us how to wash our frackin’ hands. Jay says Mission Hospital isn’t letting Christmas carolers come by because they might spread virus.

The Punnyman and the Golden Girls
See, we knew that John “Punnyman” Le was on a roll. Wednesday, he filed a report about himself that he tried to pass off as a report about the Rusty Relics, a group of grayhairs that goes around doing line dances at senior centers.

Le donned the felt reindeer antlers and got right in line, shaking his fat ass with the rest of ’em. He demanded water. He tried to make a few jokes.

Once again, Pat “Simple Smirkin'” Simon creamed his pants in forced laughter over the report. Give us a frackin’ break.

Next.

Breaking news: Is Michelle Boudin gone?
We didn’t hear anybody say a peep of a goodbye.

Graham statue unveiled
WLOSers said that statue of Billy Graham was unveiled in Nashville on Wednesday. But WLOSers were mum on the big Graham story of the day – a story spurred by a Washington Post report that Graham family memebers were fueding over where Ruth and Billy Graham shall be buried upon their deaths.

Ruth Graham wants to be buried at the cove. Billy Graham hasn’t really said for sure, but their son, Franklin, is building a big new Graham library in Charlotte and wants his parents buried there.

In other news…
Remember that weird stalking and murder-for-hire case from a few years ago out in Graham County, where a former Chapel Hill medical student was accused of stalking a fellow student? Well, the alleged stalker, name Borkar, got a new trial. Didn’t do him much good – he was convicted again of stalking and soliciting murder. He’ll spend six or seven years in jail… Lawmakers and educators met in Haywood County to talk about reducing the high school dropout rate… The Henderson County Sheriff’s Department is making three of four DARE officers start working as school resource officers… A new mobile field hospsital was unveiled Wednesday. It will help emergency workers during disasters…