Lots of interesting non-news from WLOSers on Tuesday. Let’s dive right in…
Eeek! Tanorexia!
Hey everybody, WLOSer Julie Blunder just learned the terms “tanorexic” and “tanorexia.” These words, often used to describe various and sundry celebs, have been around now for several years. But there was a new report out or something, so WLOSers put Julie on the story.
Julie’s story was so dumb that it actually made us laugh. Out loud. But the laughable report was also dangerously reckless in that Blunder completely ignored the health risks of tanning beds. She made absolutely no mention of that in her report. But more on that in a minute.
So Julie goes out and talks to a couple of people who say, yeah, they like to tan. It makes them feel good. This was great – Julie interviewed, of all people, a hair stylist, who said tanning “means a whole lot” to her. Then Julie backed that up by quoting a new report that says the glow of a tanning bed may trigger a rush of endorphins to the body. Julie said that’s also known as “a natural high.” It feels so good that some people might get addicted, she said.
Then Julie quoted a tanning salon owner, who said tanning is like drinking fine wine. A little is fun and makes you feel good and might even be good for you. Too much isn’t good for you, he added.
Julie ended her report with this choice nugget, on when you might be a tanorexic: “Signs of addiction are not being able to stop tanning; waking up and only wanting to tan; and getting mad when people say you might have a problem.”
OMG! LOL! LMAO! Really, Julie? Are those the trouble signs? We would have never known. O, Julie, thank you so much for that enlightening bit of information. You’re just incredible, and the way you delivered that news with you giant smile, that just really brought it home for us. Thank you, thank you.
Smack! Look Blunder, why don’t you stop being cute for a moment and mention that exposure to the UV rays of a tanning bed can actually be more dangerous than sun exposure. That shit can cause skin cancer, Blunder. Ever heard of that? Probably not, because you never mentioned it in your fake news report. Skin cancer ain’t cute. So if you’re going to do a fake news story on tanning beds, remember that you have a responsibility to give us all the necessary information to make a decision about what you’re telling us. Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
Kid says he was choked
Cherub Charu led off the 11 o’clock with this – a Polk County high school student says a coach called him a pussy and grabbed his neck. No charges. No comment from the coach. That was it.
Hit list
Larry “Gloryhole” Blunt followed up the Charu report a little later in the infotainment-cast with this – in the year 2000, a third-grader at Leicester Elementary School wrote down a list of six or seven names on a so-called “hit list” and parents weren’t told what names were on the list until a year later.
Ok, that means that instead of the news being six years old, it’s actually five-year-old news. So Gloryhole sat down with Cliff Dodson, the superintendent of Buncombe County schools, and grilled him. Why did it take so long for parents to find out who was on the hit list? Should notification be done differently from now on? Why am I acting like five-year-old news is actually new news, with sweeps graphics and a two-part series?
Larry, we don’t know. We just don’t know.
Gibson trial
Russ “Beefcake” Bowen continued to follow the trial of Michelle Gibson, charged with second-degree murder in the death of her 8-year-old son last year. “Cruel and reckless” is what prosecutors call Gibson’s actions, Russ said, because she kept the boy in the trunk of her car while she worked 16-hour shifts as a nursing assistant. The boy died of overexposure to heat while locked in the trunk.
Russ said the woman who commuted to work from Asheville to Jackson County said she had no idea the boy was even in the trunk until Michelle told her that the boy was dead. Russ said some nurses where Michelle worked also testified.
The sex offender news
Michelle Boudin, who rode the sex offender news last year hard, got back on the train again. There must be something in the WLOSer manual that says that every infotainment-cast must contain at least one sex offender story. Just look at how much mileage NBC has gotten out of their little sting operation, where they pose as a 13-year-old girl looking for sex and invite any and all pervs to meet with them. That makes for some damn good video.
Anyway, all Boudin had was news about a bill proposed in the state House that would keep convicted sex offenders from living with 1,000 feet of a school, and prevent convicted sex offenders from going with 500 feet of a school, unless there was special permission. Michelle talked to attorney Bruce Elmore, a member of the ACLU, who said the bill wasn’t fair.
Michelle will follow-up Wednesday with her sweeps special, something like “Off the Registry,” where she’ll report about how some convicted sex offenders are going to be taken off the state’s sex offender registry. So far, WLOSers have totally blown the sweeps season, with a series of incredibly lame “special reports.” We’ll see if Michelle can do any better.
Cool camera
Sheraldo followed up his Monday shout reports about a traffic tie-up on I-26 Monday with a report Tuesday about a cool camera that Ashvegas firefighters used as they checked out the leaking chemical tanker truck that shut down the road.
How does the camera work? Sheraldo asked. Then he answered himself – it’s wireless and transmits video back to a truck, where supposed experts sit around and figure out what to do. Firefighters also have cool meters and sensors to help them detect the volatility of vapors in the air. Hey, could you guys come over and meter my bathroom sometime? I’m thinking it gets pretty dangerous in there sometimes…
Prosper.com
Jay Selterwater says Prosper.com is a little sketchy, and you should be careful who you borrow money from.
In other news…
The state DOT is synchronizing traffic lights on Brevard’s main street… End-of-grade testing in schools this week and there’s a new math test for the young-in’s… the Madison County Arts festival is this Saturday (so is the Montford arts festival, which WLOSers didn’t mention)… and Tammy Watford thinks they should make the plastic that bread comes in resealable, just like they do for cheese and stuff.
5 Comments
A- you forgot to mention that when Gloryhole is doing a ‘serious, hard-hitting report’ like this or trademarked ‘Dirty, little secret’ for sweeps, he wears his smart-person glasses to do the interviews.
What.. is he freakin’ Superman and we’re not supposed to recognize that bland expression on his noggin if it hides behind some Eckerd’s drug store frames?
The irony: he should wear them coke bottles to read the freakin’ prompter every day. That man is bad on the TV box.
And speaking of tans and TV.. I miss Tami Birckner.
— White Lightnin’ —
BTW, EM – we stumbled upon a new porn fetish in searching for some good photos for this post. There’s a whole genre of nudie photos out there if you search under "tan lines." Kinda sexy. Who knew?
Go get ’em, NewsJunkie!
Edgy, most definitely we need the photos. We’ve started a new program here at Ashvegas. It’s called "Tits for Clicks." We can see a definite upsurge in traffic when we post pix of scantily clad model. The more boobs the better. Want to participate?
"Cancer beds." Damn, I should have used that. Maybe they’ll have a follow-up.
Do we really need the tanorexic photos there, guy?
Thanks for arguing for me. Cancer beds are just another slow form of suicide. I think I need a glass of wine.
Nice reaming job on the Blunderwoman, Ash. I’m considered high risk for skin cancer and have a full body exam by a dermatologist every six months. She always finds something to cut off. I’ve never been in a tanning booth but spent a lot of time outdoors as a kid and was sunburned many times. (I’m of Swedish orgin and very fair-skinned.) People who tan must have a death wish. I’m going to email the wLOSERS right now and ask that they do a follow-up story.