Ashvegas movie review: 2 Guns

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Riding in cars with annoying boys.
(Universal Pictures)

Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg are the kind of actors whose gifts, though plentiful, have a tendency to sour spectacularly when handling poor material.  Such is the case with 2 Guns, a mess of an action/comedy that brings out the worst in two of Hollywood’s biggest hit-makers.  Directed by Baltasar Kormákur (who previously directed Wahlberg in Contraband) with little understanding of his stars’ strengths, the film plays out like a parody of what might happen if the performers went at one another with no one to guide them.  The resulting humorless, chemistry-free annoyance is unintentionally that dud and, intentions aside, a borderline offensive one at that.

Yeah, girl…drape those locks.
(Universal Pictures)

Teaming up on a bank robbery, each unaware of the other’s true identity, DEA agent Bobby Trench (Washington) and Navy intelligence officer Michael Stigman (Wahlberg) never mesh into an appealing unit.  Their patter is off from the start, each co-lead attacking his respective lines in ways that fail to jive, and not in a good “odd couple” style.  What are meant to be humorous barbs come off as empty loud chatter and do little to mask a clumsy, simplistic script.  Covers revealed, an hour of weak double crosses and filler dialogue elapses before the two think to investigate who might have set them up.  By then, the hook has long since disappeared, leaving the poorly staged bullet-heavy nothingness to, in the manner of RED 2 and other lazy action flicks before it, draw unwanted attention to its excessive and cruel violence.

“Have you seen my medication?”
(Universal Pictures)

On the way to its surprise-free conclusion, 2 Guns takes the “2” concept laughably far.  Blake Masters’ horrid screenplay repeats at least five catchphrases, each falsely assuming to be of the Ezekiel 25:17 variety.  A replay of the film’s lackluster opening with the first iteration still fresh is likewise puzzling while various situations and conversations incite an overall unwelcome sense of déjà vu.

When the film isn’t recycling itself, it’s offering up strange touches like the faux modesty involving Bobby’s DEA squeeze Deb Rees (the beautiful mannequin that is Paula Patton) topless but with her long hair conveniently draped over her breasts.  Factor in an excess of unfunny male anatomy jokes and a overly committed turn by Bill Paxton as a psychotic CIA agent that suggests he may have simply wandered on the wrong set, and the words “missed opportunity” are all but emblazoned on the screen.  Considering Washington’s and Wahlberg’s frequent flops, fears of these results weren’t exactly unwarranted and any dashed hopes are little more than studio-sponsored naiveté.  Still, after solid recent fare including Safe House and Pain & Gain, the shortcomings of such a potentially strong pairing give 2 Guns an extra sting that’s bound to linger for those mindful of better days not that long ago.

Grade: D

Rated R for violence throughout, language and brief nudity. 

2 Guns is currently playing at the Carolina Cinemas on Hendersonville Rd.