WLOS midweek make-up

Catching up on Monday and Tuesday funcasts from WLOS:

Holes
Larry “Bluntman” Blunt hit us with a sweeps sizzler Tuesday night – there are holes in the walls at local shops that sell X-rated videos, a little sexy clothing and assorted “adult novelties.”

Finally, a story that actually has spice. The Bluntman pulled out all the stops – blurry video, video of the sex shops shot from the bushes, anonymous, headless sources speaking in voices manipulated to sound demonic and even a surprise interview of a sex shop owner/manager.

The Bluntman’s story is this – people are having in sex in these sex shops. They’re having sex through holes. (Ok, that didn’t come out right – that’s not news.) More specifically, they’re having oral sex through “glory holes” cut into the thin partitions dividing individual viewing rooms where patrons can pay to watch a little porn. And all this sex poses a health hazard because people can be passing disease.

The Bluntman tells us this story through a former sex shop worker or two. He shows us photos shot with a cell phone (interesting trick, but the photos were crap). He also shows us video that a WLOS camera person shot, but it was unclear whether it was hidden camera video – we’re assuming it was.

The danger angle was played up through nasty shots of used condoms on sex shop floors, dirty partitions smeared with what appeared to be blood and other “bodily fluids” and lots of pictures of the glory holes. In one shot, the WLOS camera person was shooting one of the holes when a dude on the other side stuck his finger in and out of the hole.

So the Bluntman jumped the owner/manager of Bedtyme stories out on Hendersonville Road in a surprise interview. Apparently, he’s known there because the woman said, “First of all, Larry, I don’t want to appear on camera.” Gotcha!

The manager told Larry the holes are peep holes. At waist level, the Bluntman noted through an interview. That didn’t really satisfy Larry, who took his case to the Ashvegas police department and the city inspections office.

The police blubbered and stuttered. And the city inspections guy said: “Larry, we were as shocked as you were to see those holes.”

So Larry will tell us tonight about how his great reporting is going to get something done about all these suck holes in the walls at local sex shops.

Video bonanza
WLOSers treated viewers to a some kick-ass video Tuesday night. First, there was Sheraldo’s shout report about a bunch of mud on Crabtree Road in Henderson County that made the road slick. Sheraldo said a couple of cars had wrecked, and he was interviewing a local resident complaining about the situation when a car whizzes by.

Next thing we see is the interview subject saying, “See, there goes another one.” The camerman whips around in time to get the car sliding off the road, over a couple of bushes and small trees and into the front yard of a home.

Then we see the interview subject and Sheraldo hot-footin’ it to the car, tie flapping in the wind. We haven’t seen Sheraldo move that fast since last month’s office donut party at WLOS headquarters. Good work, Sheraldo!

Fire in the hole!
The other great made-for-TV action was the “large boulder” that Julie Blunder told us had fallen in all the recent rain and was blocking a road in Transylvania County. Blunder even stood by the “large boulder” to show us how big it was. Hey Julie, a tip – the definition of “boulder” is “any large rock,” so when you say “large boulder,” it’s redundant. We get it.

These large boulders are exactly what local DOT workers need to get their rocks off. That’s because they get to bring out some dynamite and blow shit up. They drilled holes in the large boulder, dropped in the explosives and yelled, “Fire in the hole!” Boom! Instant News13 video, which we were treated to over and over again. Thanks Julie!
Click here to see the local newspaper’s photo of the big explosion.

Bye bear
Remember the little bear cub stranded on a stip of wooded land along the racetrack we call Merrimon in North Ashevegas? Well, wildlife officials moved him after the all the human ruckus he triggered after the local newspaper and WLOSers did stories about the cutie.

After the stories ran, the cub caught all kinds of attention from gawkers who would stand outside the North Ashvegas library looking to spot him. Other people risked life and limb by crossing Merrimon to get an even closer view. And some drunken teenagers threatened to “get us a bearskin rug” or something. So wildlife officials, who initially said there was nothing they could do, came out and moved the lonely bear.

The Bluntman noted that the wildlife experts caught him with three donuts in a trap. “Three donuts would catch me in a trap,” the Bluntman told us. Psssst. Larry. Over here.

Le replay
On Monday, Jon “Punnyman” Le trotted out a story he’s done over and over and over again. Must have been a post-holiday slow pun day for Le, because he went back to songwriter Billy Ed Wheeler for what must be the millionth time. Diva Darcel led into the report by saying, “Jon Le introduces us to…” No. Stop right there. There’s no introduction necessary. Le has done so many stories on this guy that he’s practically on the WLOS payroll.

Anyway, it turns out that Wheeler wrote some songs for Johnny Cash. The two even created a publishing company together. Wheeler’s song was “Jackson.” That is a good song. Nothing wrong with that song. Only it’s not a Cash smash. It’s a B-side, like so many of the Punnyman’s stories.

So Le made his pun about Wheeler “cashing in with a great deal of pride” because it’s really not all about the money, then moved on.