The news so far

The Neuticle Report, Day Whatever
WLOSers, going after the Haywood castration cult story like a master whips a slave, had yet another sensational report about the crazies arrested last week for castration without malice (or a medical license).

Holly Headache talked to yet another plumber (they talked to a plumber Wednesday) with a crappy goatee and weathered ballcap who said he saw some kinky shit in Master Rick (Richard Sciara) and Dungeon Dan’s dungeon. The plumber, apparently not at all insecure about his own sexuality, asked all about the sex toys and porn pics lining the walls. “Is this business or pleasure?” the plumber asked Master Rick. “He told me it was strictly pleasure.”

There was an X on the wall in the dungeon where someone could be handcuffed in, said the plumber, who also asked about some pyramid-shaped weights he saw. Master Rick said those can be attached to your genitalia and it feels good. This seemed a little odd, seein’ as how Master Rick was cutting the balls off dudes. Maybe they went a little too far with the weights?

Anyway, the plumber said he also had a good rapport with Master Rick. During one visit, the plumber told SlickRick to stop messing with a younger plumber cohort because he might get up and whup Master Rick. In a perfect comeback, the plumber says the master says, “Well, I’ve got the whips and chains for him to do it with.” O yes.

Another motel stabbing
Cherub Charu got to cover another inconsequential motel stabbing, which seems to be her specialty of late. It was the usual deal – two guys got into an argument, somebody pulled out a knife and stuck it in the chest of the other guy. Charu said the Star Motel in Hendersonville isn’t what it used to be and residents don’t like it.

Oakley homicide follow-up
In a story that makes no sense, a guy that police say is a suspect in a homicide actually sat down for a TV interview with WLOSers. The kid told Michelle Boudin that the 22-year-old whose body was found the other day in the woods off of Onteora Road actually shot himself playing Russian roulette.

There were four teens in the car, and when the dude shot himself, the others in the car freaked out. “There was blood everywhere. We were all screaming,” the kid tells Boudin.

Of course, police don’t believe it. They’ve recoverd a car and some blood evidence and they’ve charged one person in connection with the shooting, a 17-year-old.

Who is above the law?
District Attorney Jeff Hunt ordered a Fletcher police officer to issue a ticket to a State Highway Patrol Officer, Kevin Bray. The Fletcher officer stopped Bray for going 90 mph in a 45 mph zone on Sunday, but let him off without a ticket. Bray wasn’t on duty and was driving a private car. Bray also didn’t have his driver’s license on him, which is against the law. We’ll see what happens. Hunt happens to be running for re-election this year, by the way.

In other news…
A little girl was missing for five minutes on a bus in Rutherford County… There was a brush fire somewhere in Upper Sondley… The Tourists won their home opener on Thirsty Thursday… and the Asheville Airport wants some X-ray machines and cameras for better security.

Cuervo’s weather
Did you guys see Mike “Cuervo” Cuevas totally flub the weather report the other night? His computer crashed, so he had zero weather graphics. None. Nada. At the end of the infotainmentcast, they came back to him and he had enough of a computer to get up a seven-day forecast graphic on his computer screen, which they just shot with a TV camera.