Loving the Asheville Disclaimer

If you haven’t been reading the Asheville Disclaimer lately, you’ve been missing out. Here’s a good one: Money Saving Strategies for the Citizen-Times:

• Copy Greenville’s local paper and replace every instance of “Greenville” with “Asheville.”
• Replace newsroom with centrally located lean-to.
• Every other day print one-page paper with the headline “NOTHING HAPPENS!” and a picture of a puppy.
• Have Citizen-Times take 2nd job as smut mag.
• Deliver more news on that new Intertube Highway we’ve been hearing about.
• Charge extra for weekly “Naked News Editors Centerfold” edition.
• Mandate from home office: “Get drunk. Buy a gun. Go out and make some news.”
• Clip out the best coupons before mailing Sunday paper.
• Shoot papers into Asheville from Greenville by missile; Replace door-to-door delivery with cheaper, city-wide “Explosive Paper Shower.”
• Rename Citizen-Times “Mountain Xpress.” Hire a bunch of hippies to run the place.