Jason Sandford
Jason Sandford is a reporter, writer, blogger and photographer interested in all things Asheville.
It’s amazing how much less TV news we got today because SO much news was happening at the barbecue festival in Tryon.
I didn’t pull out the stopwatch, but major portions of the 5, 5:30 and 6 broadcasts tonight were devoted to lots of bad puns and forced laughter over the Blue Ridge Barbecue Festival. Didn’t anything else happen in the world, or our little piece of it, today?
The local TV news force fed us all kinds of pork we didn’t particular want to have to eat tonight. We heard Scottie-too-hottie explain “that’s how pigs fly” after one of the barbecue cookers from Texas explained that they had to put their stuff on planes to get here. (This came after Swick explained to us where the saying “they threw me a curve ball” came from – it’s because JenX can’t hit a curve ball thrown by Darren Holmes.)
We suffered through Cabana Boy Cuevas sweating – like a pig – as he explained that it would probably rain this weekend. Then he interviewed a little girl and gave her a News13 umbrella.
Cuevas: “So how old are you?”
Girl: (slowly) “Seven.”
Cuevas: “Seven! Great. So you’ll be eight next year?”
Girl: (slowly nodding yes) “Emhmm.”
Cuevas: “So what have you done at the festival?”
Girl: “I went on that thing over there?”
Cuevas: “That thing over there?”
Girl: “Emhmm.”
Riveting, Cuevas. Absolute-Le riveting.
We watched as Tammy hammed it up with an all-girl squad of cookers, stuffed her pie hole with bloomin’ onions and tried to interview the Sons of Ralph.
Tammy: (to one of the younger members of the trio) “So who influenced your music?”
Younger member: “Well, Ralph.”
Tammy: “OK.” (turns to Ralph) “So, who influenced your music?”
Folks, we simply can’t make this stuff up.
But the winner was Mary Jed-licka, who’s got the best name in the business and shocked Ashvegas by ruining her image with us as a sweet, wholesome girl as yet untainted by her harsh business.
Mary disppointed us by throwing caution to the wind and setting her lips to the raw, naked flank of a recently-dead pig splayed out on a grill and ready for the cooking. This came after an interview with a barbecue team and the head cook, who said he always kissed the pig for good luck.
Oh, Mary. We were shocked and sickened. How low will these people go for “the story?” Keep those lips to yourself.
I don’t care if the girl was cute or not. My point is that Cuevas and the rest spend more time airing inane, useless, over-hyped crap than actaully helping me navigate my world, which is what I thought journalists (if that’s what you can call those at the local TV station) were supposed to be doing on the news. Criminey.
I’m not saying they’re not real people. I’m saying: GIVE ME INFORMATION, not some stupid interview with a 7-year-old.
Here you go again, cutting up the WLOS people. They are more real than the ones you usually see in larger cities, and most around here like that.
By the way, it’s easy to cut up on those in front of the camera when you are behind it. Try being in front of it every day like they do. I for one know I couldn’t do it.
BTW, the little girl was cute.