The latest from whatshouldavlcallme:

The 10 Deepest Corners of the Cesspool

Two years ago, the late state Sen. Jim Forrester described Asheville as a “cesspool of sin” and thus creating the best bumper stickers, shirts, and jokes about Asheville ever since. I wanted to take this opportunity to continue the use of this phrase and dig deeper into the actual sinful places of Asheville.

My boo, Jim Forrester

10. Scandals

Scandals begins our list of sinful places mainly because everyone I talk to has some sort of weird “Scandals story” they have encountered, witnessed, or been a part of there. One time,  I had a condom thrown at me, landed in my hair and I didn’t know for about an hour. Another time, a creepy dude asked me to pose for him to start his ‘modeling portfolio’ (I did not- sorry Asheville) The level of sin elevates on weekends for their delicious drag shows (mmm, duck tape!) and also all the coke. Mostly the coke.

Level of Asheville Sin: Buying your first scale for all your weed

9. Xcapades

Xcapades recently had a drug scandal of their own, which makes them featured on the list, rather than the prudish Treasure Club. Treasure Club did “host” Big Boi one of the times he came to town, but Xcapades is located on Leicester Highway, which helps the sin spread more around the lovely Leicester area. The owner, who was charged with conspiracy to traffic cocaine, was recently found dead in her home two weeks ago. I imagine she was a lovely person, really, putting all those girls with tramp stamps through college. She deserves a medal by her grave.

Level of Asheville Sin: Buying underwear at Goodwill and not washing before you wear it

8. O.Henrys/The Underground

Let this upcoming event poster just do all the explaining for you. A fetish connection event. How quaint:

Level of Asheville Sin: Renting out the entire Grove Park Inn Spa to throw a swingers party

7. Broadways

Ah, Broadways. Where do I begin?  Sin is forever rampant at Broadways, from toilets filled with vomit (last time I was there) to the mixture of awesomely creepy people who inhabit this paradise on Lexington Ave. No wonder the breakup table is famous there, people just need to be free at Broadways and spend their nights drowning their sorrows in cheap beer and Mr. Right Now. Am I right ladies or am I right?

Level of Asheville Sin: Never recycling

6. The Yacht Club

My friend got a blowjob from a drunk girl from a bachelorette party there once. Also, last time I was there, a woman was letting guys line up and  motorboat her at the bar. I am not sure what is going on there, but something is in the water. Time to investigate!

Level of Asheville Sin: Getting too wasted on LaZoom and thus becoming your own character for the bus

5. Wicked Weed

Wicked Weed is on this list because they consistently create and distribute all sorts of new and delicious beer. I always spend a long time reading their chalkboard of beers, which is the best kind of sin there is. Reading. Beer. Titles. Forever. Mmm. More than 15 craft beers on tap on a regular basis? Mouth is beginning to water.

Level of Asheville Sin: Tipping a busker with condoms and a phone number

4. Rosetta’s Bathroom

The basket inside Rosetta’s bathroom is filled with all sorts of exotic sinful free condoms and lube for you and yours to take. Don’t take them all though. I’m hitting it up this weekend. If safe sex doesn’t turn you on at Rosettas, maybe the plethora of anarchist zines will do the trick.

Level of Asheville Sin:  Hitting three cars on your 5 minute drive on Merrimon.

3.  Asheville’s Craigslist

So many dick pics, so little time. Also, people that make roommate ads like this:http://asheville.craigslist.org/roo/4110245510.html  Seriously, they included “comfortable with being overheard/overhearing poop and fornication (not necessarily @ the same time… but we are kink friendly too so, maybe!) (see below)”  Watch out, roommate-seekers of Asheville! You now have to be comfortable with overhearing poop and sex noises, and the mixture of the two! Must be menstrual blood friendly and a non-drinker though! I just spent about 10 minutes reading the casual encounters. I must say, I don’t know if I am turned on or have to go cry in my dark closet for an hour.

Level of Asheville Sin:  Losing your virginity to Tim Moffitt

2. Downtown Inn

Ah, Asheville’s premier hotel. In the heart of downtown! Don’t let the location fool you. I am scared of this place. One time, my out-of-town sidepiece was coming to visit and wanted to stay there and invited me. I said fuck you and ran away forever at the mere thought of having to spend the night in that place. I hear they have made some renovations to make it better, but you can’t fool me. No matter how much cleanliness the company can do, they can never cover up the fact that there is usually a prostitute there 80 percent of the time. Even reading the shady Craigslist ads from #3 had meet-ups happening at the Downtown Inn. I just imagine stepping on syringes anywhere I go there.

Level of Asheville Sin: Being a participant in the topless rally

1. Inside of a Hipster’s Pants

Was it the tightness of the hipster’s pants that encouraged the sin or made you work for it? That is the question.

Level of Asheville Sin: Meeting a stranger in the bathroom of Hannah’s and snorting their coke with them

9 Comments

  1. I find this place to be pretty lame, xpeople who are feeling good don’t want to know you,, and women who are lonely are too scaredto open up. f*** this place.

  2. Speaking of a deceased woman who was a mother the way you did is disgusting in itself. Put a medal by her grave? Obviously you have mommy issues and see nothing wrong with speaking of someones deceased mother that way. Sick.

  3. I lived in Avl 88-92 and made it out alive! No mention of the Freakers Ball? Man, that was some scene every year! Loved it! Always found it odd the one day all the crossdressers and trannies could come out an be “normal”!

  4. SERIOUSLY ?????? You manifest/see what you think about. Your mind/attitude is in the gutter so you will see what you see (and write about) because of your attitude. WAKE UP and smell roses instead of gutter gobblygook………

    ….and FOX news is a joke promoting the network owner’s beliefs and attitudes. That network has nothing to do with journalism, WHICH IS ABOUT REPORTING NEWS OBJECTIVELY…..

  5. The Cesspool has actually disappointed this born-again prude. I read all of the hype about the belly-dancers, burlesque girls and stilletto dance parties, but all I ever see is fatties with nose rings (like they used to lead cows around with, ironically).

  6. The Corner Pocket has a place on this list. My buddies and I used to play ping pong there before we knew how coke made people act.

    Now I understand that they like ping pong because of the frenetic pace.

  7. AvlPubcrawler says:

    Ash, this is classic. Almost as good as the shit you used to dump on the WLOSers. It makes me want to dig out my old Broadway’s membership card. And I haven’t darkened their door in a decade.

  8. Level of sin: Going to 12 Bones and ordering a salad.

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