Hawaii Five-uh oh
Cherub Charu cranked up the outrage factor on the local TV news tonight (it actually aired early Wednesday because of the NBA game) with a sensational story about Buncombe commish folks heading to the sunny sands of Honolulu, Hawaii for a big conference.

Most of her video to illustrate the story about the July conference of the National Association of Counties was of people slathering on suntan lotion and boating on the azure waters off Waikiki’s beautiful beaches.

Charu reported that commissioners go to this conference every year (it’s held in various locations) to do some very hard work, that not everyone is going, and that David Gantt, who is going, is buying his own plane ticket. (I think Charu said Stanley, Gantt and Carol Peterson are going.)

The trip is costing taxpayers $9,000 and the county clerk said the commish will certainly bring back $9,000 worth of ideas.

I’m sure the commissioners who go will work very hard. Here are some workshops I recommend, after checking out the NACO conference Web site:

Water Shortages in the U.S. – Are You Prepared?
Whip and Chair – The Right Way to Run a Meeting (Don and Jerry, be afraid, be very afraid.)
Courage Under Fire – Staying Cool When the Media Turns Up the Heat (like now)

In between all the hard work our commissioners will be doing, there are plenty of “optional activities” our elected officials can sample from. A few:

Barefoot fun cruise
Polynesian Cultural Center Ali’i Lu’au
Magic of Polynesia Dinner Cruise

After all their very hard work and optional activities, our leaders will repair to any number of official conference hotels, which include: the Sheraton Waikiki; the Royal Hawaiian; and the Hilton Hawaiian Village Beach Resort and Spa.

Don’t strain yourselves, guys.

Circle Jerk
John “Punnyman” Le topped off my nightly viewing pleasure with an insightful story on a mysterious Yancey County crop circle. He even quoted my hero, Joshua Warren, who I’ve blogged about before.

It seems that someone mashed down a bunch of grass in a hayfield in the form of a (gasp!) perfect circle out in the Yancey boonies. This was not one of those intricate, hieroglyphs. Just a circle. (Maybe these were redneck aliens.)

Le quoted curious onlookers. The one little shit he should have grilled was the farmer’s son who, when asked if he did it, put pinkie to mouthcorner Dr. Evil-style for a moment, then laughed and said no. BULLSHIT!

Smells like a cheap publicity stunt. But Le got jerked right in.


  1. Omigod, the crop circle (singular) is back. Our local “paranormal expert” Joshua Warren was on the radio Friday afternoon being interviewed about a recurrence in Yancey County.
    Unfortunately, he wasn’t about to reach the site with his paranormal equipment in time to get any readings — the site had been “contaminated” he said by locals.
    OK, you yahoos up in Yancey. Leave the crop circles to the experts. Don’t go poking around where you’re not trained. Joshua is on call to make a few bucks with material for his next book.
    In the meantime, if you’re dead set on seeing some extraterrestials, drive down to Asheville one afternoon and check out the aliens on Pack Square or Pritchard Park.

  2. The cow mutilations are old news — WLOS went wild over it when it happened. I think Candy Cane did the first story; seems like Chachi may have followed up later.

  3. The city and county have been gouging small businesses for years with their property taxes, vehicle taxes, privilege licenses, city vehicle sticker (which you don’t actually receive anymore) etc. and now the county custodians are flying off to Hawaii to bring back “$9,000 worth of ideas.”
    We can only hope that one of the ideas is not to purchase scrapyard “artwork” from a warehouse in Louisiana.
    Now I know how to spell BULLSHIT.

  4. John Le’s new low:
    Investigating “crop circles” (actually there was only one, and it was just 100 feet in diameter) in Yancey County, suspiciously located a few yards from a plowed field. Le interviewed a guy sitting on a tractor in the field, who said, “Naw, I didn’t do it.”
    So who (or what???) did?
    Bring in “paranormal expert” Joshua Warren, who explained that “crop circles” are often associated with “cattle mutilations” like the incident last year in Madison County.
    Whoa! Cattle mutilations last year in Madison County? Why are we just hearing about this now?
    All of this begs the question: Why are UFO encounters never with guys in suits who work on Wall Street? Why are they always taking place in the boondocks with scrawny, toothless farmers or 240-pound beer-swilling, Oprah-watching porchwives?

  5. How many puns “cropped up” in the story? I’ll bet John had a “field day” with those. Please add your own obvious inflections when you read this so everyone will know that they are “jokes”

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