Dear Woman,

Why do y’all always go to the bathroom together? What do you do in there?

Sincerely, D “Tee” M

Dear Tee,

I’m guessing you want some porno answer like we’re doing cocaine off of each others boobs or practicing kissing. Sorry to disappoint, but the women’s bathroom is not some sort of powder pink music video with girls in lingerie leaping over high-heel shaped couches blowing bubbles and playfully swatting each other with their underwear.

Let me start by saying woman don’t always go to the bathroom together, so let’s try not to perpetuate stereotypes or weird myths here. It’s not like I try to excuse myself from the table at brunch and automatically, like the children of the corn, my sister, mother-in-law and the two women sitting at the table next to us stand up like vacant-eyed zombies and file behind me into the single stall room because that’s what nature commands us to do. As I recall, it’s more of a double-date thing or a bar/club thing.

Here are the top ten reasons I remember from my bar days:

-We don’t want to be left alone with you.
-The bar is crowded, loud and filled with a bunch of douchebags and we know that the journey to the dank bathroom and back will be less terrifying with a friend in tow.
-We literally just need to pee.
-The establishment is loud and we want a second to talk to each other.
-We need a tampon.
-The bathroom looks or feels unsafe and we want to have or give protection.
-We’re broke and smuggled in a water bottle filled with vodka, which we keep refilling our drinks with and need a private place to do so.
-We want to talk about you or your friends.
-We need to privately discuss an escape plan.
-Cocaine. Sometimes it probably is cocaine.

Hope that cleared things up for ya! There are also about 250 reasons that I didn’t list here, so it could easily be any of those too.

Sincerely,

A Woman

Ask A Woman is an anonymous advice column wherein this Asheville writer gives candid, honest advice about everything from consent to dating to harassment and whatever else you people cook up. I’m providing a platform of anonymity, not so either of us can hide behind invisibility, but to eliminate egos and insecurities and cut out the bullshit in an effort to perpetuate education. If you would like to ask me a question for my column, drop me a line here-Eve S. Dropper

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