In early January, two members of the Asheville twitterati held a fascinating discussion about dating in town. Laura Hope-Gill, a local poet, started the conversation and Catherine Campbell, a local writer, joined in. It’s a fascinating discussion, one that I hope will spur more talk, more thought. I’ve done my best to recreate their public online discussion here, and look forward to your thoughts.
Laura: I believe in dating. #oldschool
Catherine: As do I. Just not very good at it.
Catherine: I had a hard time b/c ppl think women shouldn’t date multiple people at a time. Only men can do that. Ugh.
Laura: “How much I missed simply because I was afraid of missing” #Brida Retweeted by LauraHopeGill
Laura: I think I might offer a workshop. I was so not into it, and doing it all wrong and winding up with disasters. Now, I get it.
Laura: We can and we should. That’s how it used to be. We had suitors. They had to win us. It made them feel good and kept us safe.
Catherine: Yes, and now I look like a “slut” even if I’m not sleeping with my dates. What happened? Sometimes I just want a date.
Laura: Men and women are equally freaked out by relationships. Dating is a cool way to enjoy company w/o getting freaked out, bogged.
Laura: I think the fashion has become Instimacy and Instant Relationships b/c we don’t have role models for dating, just sex.
Catherine: Yes, the whole sexting/”hanging out”/marry because the economy=bad has taken over the art of the date. Men don’t woo, either.
Laura: Men want to woo. Good men want to woo. It let’s them feel like men. I think we lost the art of dating.
Catherine: I know! Maybe it’s this town. I have met few men (and women) who are skilled at dating.
Laura: I’m discussing dating with @bookish_type. Is it a lost art? Do we begin relationships too soon?
Laura: A good friend says it takes three months for sociopathic tendencies to manifest. So, dating is the solution.
Catherine: I would absolutely agree with that.
Laura: This town, this generation. It’s tweet, fuck and move in.
Catherine: Yes! So then, is the Internet helping to kill dating. Are dating sites improving quality of dates or just # of dates?
Laura: Great question. I think they’re good.
Laura: I just ended a 6 month stint on match. I learned A LOT about myself and about people in general.
Catherine: Can’t get into dating sites. I’m a “see that person across the room” kind of Romantic.
Catherine: If you tweet or update your FB post or check your email while on a date with me, I kick you to the curb.
Laura: Most importantly, I learned it’s fun to go out on one single date with someone. Enjoy, shake hands, good-bye.
Laura: Me, too. Now it’s see that person across the ethernet. What rooms can we see people across these days.
Laura: If you take your f-ing phone out of your pocket . . . .
Laura: If you talk about your ex on a first date . . .
Laura: A lot of Asheville is on match.com.
Catherine: Really? In a way, I’m not surprised.
Laura: I think we all politely “no” one another’s profiles if we know each other in real life.
Laura: Loads of Ashevilleans on match.com. We never talk about it!
Catherine: Nice. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Match, but if you actually date & take your time, you don’t need that.
Laura: Once the system flipped and I was on the man’s side of it. Saw a lot of my girlfriends.
Laura: “Here are 4000 women like Laura Hope-Gill.”
Laura: (though it didn’t say my real name)
Laura: I agree. Are people asking one another out on dates in real life?
Catherine: Yes, I have witnessed it among friends. It’s endearing. I get asked out more online than in real life.
Laura: Yes. Communities used to faciliate meeting people, I guess. These days it’s business networking.
Catherine: Ugh. Right. Speaking of, hate to end this convo, but must get back to work. Thanks for your insights!
Laura: That is endearing. This has been fun! Thanks.